id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize