I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
