And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
