i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
