The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
