he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
