Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
