i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
