i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
