and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize