I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
