I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
