dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
me + whiskey = a bad person
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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