Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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