My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
