I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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