if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
