I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
