I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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