i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
