You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
