weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you guys were way drunker than both of me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it hurts more in the daytime
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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