I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
