I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
