I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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