Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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