no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
