Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
