Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize