At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
