Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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