Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He better not be in your backpack
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
