Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
