How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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