You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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