She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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