I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
