I think I died a long time ago.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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