i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
