i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
