Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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