I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
