1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
