i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
