her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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