never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
