I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize