Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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