I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Less talking, more tequila
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
