made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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