I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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