spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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