so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
