Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
