I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
