If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
