i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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