Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
