I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
