just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
