I bet he comes in French.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This baby is an asshole
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
