Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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