I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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