Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
