I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
