fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
