I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
