this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
