I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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