He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
