Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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