I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
