And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
