She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
