I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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