The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
