then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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